killing me softly

Are all men created equal? Think about it. Why is it that there are some men that can lead men and some that merely follow? How is it that there a handfuls of men that become great and people remember them? Is it the work they do in the field they are in? Or is it them. Do they have this charisma that people tend to draw themselves to that person because of it? Just think...Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Charles Schultz, Charlie Chaplin, Hitler (twisted as it was), Van Gogh. Now ask yourself what was that person like behind closed doors. Were they afraid, quiet, lonely.......crazy? Whatever they were, at some point or all the time, they felt all these things. The feeling, passion and emotion they felt had to be stronger than anyone around them. This could also break them when no one was looking. The felt more than a normal person and that's where the confidence came from, that's where their belief in things came from. They had to feel to make people believe in the most impossible of dreams. That's why they were great.

I always said the things that make me better than old masters is marketing. I can sell myself. I had a meeting yesterday with a prominent figure in the Latino community. He asked what was it he could do for me. I told him I have these people over here who know my work, now I want these people (his people) to become aware as well. As easy as that, I want my status to now be higher than what it is, to be known.....famous.

Now going back, I believe that going crazy is something each person walking to greatness has to go through. The thing that makes it easier is that they have someone to be there to calm them, not a lot of people just one or two. People they let get close. I've asked everyone, ex-girlfriends, acquaintances, friends, relatives......and they all say you look different. Tired. So ask what do you think it is? And they reply, you let someone get to you. I say so, and they say you don't do that. You never have. Its almost like you're afraid to let anyone get close to you cause you think they'll hurt you or something. They'll ask If I've slept,ate, drank. I just look at them blankly and say I think I'm going crazy.....and then ask am I? I've drank so much I could fill a bath tub or two. There is no one to talk to, and I find myself looking at myself in the mirror and questioning everything I do....and yet I can still go out and say I want to up my status. I would say that the drinking is killing me because I can't remember a lot of stuff, and I'm driving myself crazy. My parents seemed to be worried, especially since I've got no one to actually talk to. I just tell them maybe this is that line I have to go through to be great. What do you think?