Time.......

You know yesterday, I was gonna post that with everything going on chaotic paperwork, schedules, new car, evrything was still steady and overall pretty good. I forgot to post that. Today things are different. Its a new day, and I hate it. I'm missing something.....more like someone. I lost it last night, not as bad as I'm known to do, but I lost it. I didn't have the words to say. They wouldn't come out....and I was just so damn frustrated. I didn't get to hold her......kiss her......I couldn't talk. You know something is real if that happens. I've been around long enough to know that. Someone's missing and its an ugly calm/emptiness inside. Will it go away? or do I want it to go away? I can usually guess the way people think, feel them out. I don't want to this time. Ever since I was little I just wanted to find someone I could trust and have on a pedistal next to me. Stupid I know.....but thats what I wanted. There have been few that I've found to do that with, and for some STUPID reason it doesn't work.

About almost a year ago now, I started seeing this girl. She's nice, polite, beautiful, and I didn't know how to kiss her. (Timing wise) My history hasn't been the greatest, and we've gone on despite that. I've changed some things about myself. In the hip hop clubs I was known as Devils Ink. I recently went back and people still remembered me but that wasn't me anymore. I liked whiskey and would find my way into a bottle now and then, I 've recently decided that I was gonna stop drinking. Maybe once in a while a beer, or margarita but thats it. Again these little changes some how or another involve her. It shouldn't be like that, I should do it for myself. But again, its real.....she's real. I miss her already and she hasn't been gone long. I don't give a damn if people read this and raise an eyebrow. Deal with it. I just wanna know that she reads this and .......finds her way back.